Rethinking Dear Rosies

Dear Rosie,

Recently my partner had to take an extended time off from SL. He's a warm loving person if a bit gossipy and always into other people's business. Most of our friends are very careful about telling him secrets they don't want repeated because although they love him, they know he just can't keep it to himself. Despondent that he no longer had access to SL, he attempted a fashion to still be able to speak to his friends. He started an online column called Ask Romeo and began some fake letters about real people in which he responded.

When I approached him that he had hurt others feelings, he replied to me that they all thought it was funny. I happen to know otherwise as the friends quietly speak amongst themselves with those that they know won't repeat it back to him. He actually felt that some people had even taken his advice although most of the friends pointed out, "Why would we take his advice when his own life is a mess?" Our friends think that he just wants attention and doesn't care about them as individuals. They have also taken recently to referring to him as "The Busybody Neighbor" – you know that lady you always see on TV that the people always hate to be around? He feels that his column is humorous and his right to post if he has the information at his fingertips, ignoring that it may hurt any feelings.

Lately several of our friends have approached me and asked me to intervene. How do I explain to him that the people around him do not like seeing their private moments plastered into a crude writing creation by someone with too much time on their hands and not found amusing by most? The impression is that many people write these letters, yet our friends have discussed it and know that's not reality.

Any advice you can provide will be helpful as our friends are getting quietly angry and I'd hate to see him lose his friends before he got back into SL. He's been a good partner for me and good gay partners are difficult to find. I am sure to be stuck in the middle as many of these people won't want to be around him and they are my friends as well.

At Wits End
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Hmmph. I'm not sure what to make of this. It could be just a similar situation and a letter from someone who is seeking advice. It could be a subtle jab at me for having a similar online column. Iunno.

First things first...

*I am neither a gay male nor am I partnered in SL :P

*True. Dear Rosie was started as a way for me to stay in contact with my online friends during my break from SL.

*Being a fairly over-sensitive individual, I always try to put myself in the other person's shoes. Though I did create most of the "mock" situations myself, I really debated them over and over to ensure that I would not hurt or offend anyone. These situations have some value and meaning to those closest to me and so I sought to make people laugh, and perhaps make them wonder who's who just a bit. Incidentally, not ALL of the letters published and answered were written by me.

*I am under no illusions about my ability, status, or credentials to provide sound or even reasonable advice. Again, it's called an attempt at humor. I apologize if anyone reading a Dear Rosie sought to find true and accurate How-To's for their lives. That's on you.

*This did bother me if that was the intent of the letter. Perhaps it was delivered into my email instead of in a comment to my blog in order to subtly say "Rosie, you should drop this". Oh well, it's here for you all to see now. I do geniunely apologize if this is the case. This person obviously has/had their reasons for being upset with me. And I'm sure they had their reasons for expressing dissatisfaction with me anonomously and for refusing to respond to my replied email.

*I have asked several of the people closest to me if, in fact, anyone was mad at me or hurt that they knew of. This is a foreign idea to most of them as I would have hoped that it would be. Seeing as how this has somewhat hurt me, I can't imagine having made someone else feel the same. If someone that I care about has been hurt and has decided to not share that publicly, please know that I'm sorry and will take more care in the future. This is the reason for the anonomous signatures, and sometimes situations. There are things I enjoyed getting off my chest and in this format they allowed me to be somewhat vague and also somewhat able to shout it to the rooftops :P

*Apparently, yes, I have too much time on my hands. I hope to never be so busy that I can't find humor in the day to day issues people deal with. Look. These situations were not manufactured in my head, lol, they came from somewhere. Which is scarier? That I documented them in an orderly manner or that they actually occured? Most of these situations are common knowledge among the people I talk to regularly... and for those who aren't in on those conversations, what difference does it make to you? Do you even know who it is I am referencing?

*My credentials. Had I known that my life needed to be in perfect working order before I could obtain my PHD to blog, I may have reconsidered. Thank you for so succinctly pointing out the obvious... that my advise is dubious. Ummm... duh. Since this was all started as a humorous way to get shit off my chest, well, I should assume that yeah my advice isn't nearly sound and most often *should* be taken in the opposite.

Again, I apologize if I have hurt or "outed" anyone. No, all the letters answered were not written by me. And if you are someone who has been hurt by me or something I said, I wish you would just tell me. I would honestly hope to never make anyone feel the way I felt re-reading this and noticing that perhaps I'd been naive to think wow a similar situation... and instead realize someone who was clever enough to try and throw me off of who they were but was focused on suggesting to me that I should have better things to do and doing so in an anonomous attack on the way I have chosen to use my blog.

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in addition, At Wits End, if you feel that any one or more of the letters I've answered or written is about you, feel free to join any number of available support groups with others who believe themselves to be the star of numerous of my letters.